How to Spot Someone Who Wants a Hookup

Reading the Signs

Look, I've wasted way too much time trying to figure out if someone wants to hook up or if they're looking for something more serious. Honestly, it drove me crazy until I learned to actually pay attention to what people are really saying with their actions. Not everyone's gonna come right out and tell you they're down for something casual, but like, the signs are there if you know what to look for. So let me break down what I've learned from years of navigating this whole thing, whether you're chatting online or meeting someone face to face.

Check Their Profile Energy

Here's what I've noticed about online dating profiles - they tell you literally everything if you actually pay attention. Someone who wants a hookup? Their vibe is usually light, fun, maybe a little flirty right in the bio. They're not writing essays about their life goals or what they want in a soulmate. Their photos are more about showing off what they look like now - maybe some body shots, pics from nights out, stuff that's clearly recent and honestly pretty deliberate about what they're advertising.

I remember scrolling through profiles in Toronto and you could just tell who was serious versus who was looking to have fun. The serious ones had these long bios about meaningful connections and finding "the one." And hey, nothing wrong with that, but if you're trying to keep things casual, those aren't your people. You're looking for someone whose whole profile screams "I'm here for a good time, not a long time," you know?

How They Message Says Everything

Okay so the texting style is like the biggest giveaway ever. In my experience, people who want to hook up don't waste time with small talk for three weeks. They get a little flirty pretty quickly, they're playful, and they're suggesting meeting up within the first handful of messages. If someone's steering the conversation toward physical stuff or asking what you're looking for directly, you're definitely on the same wavelength.

But then you've got the people who are asking you deep questions about your childhood trauma or what you see yourself doing in five years. Look, those conversations are fine, but they're shopping for a relationship. Different energy entirely. When someone's messaging you at like 2am saying "hey what are you up to," that's not the start of a deep emotional connection - you know exactly what that is.

Body Language in Person

So when you actually meet face to face, body language is everything. I've learned to watch for the signs - are they leaning in close when they talk? Making lots of eye contact? Finding little excuses to touch your arm or sit way closer than they need to? That's them testing the physical chemistry, seeing if you're into it too. It's honestly pretty obvious once you start paying attention.

And like, they'll be pretty direct about logistics too. Questions like "where do you live?" or "want to get out of here?" aren't subtle, and that's kind of the point. They're moving things forward because they know what they want. I've had dates like this in Vancouver and Montreal, and honestly the straightforward approach saves everyone time.

The Timing of Messages

Here's something I picked up on pretty quick - pay attention to when people message you. Late night "what are you up to?" texts are basically universal code for hookups. If someone only hits you up after 10pm or on weekends, they're not building an emotional connection with you. They're looking for something physical, and the timing tells you everything.

Compare that to someone who's texting you good morning every day or checking in during lunch. That's a completely different vibe. Different intentions, different expectations. Both are fine, but you've gotta know which one you're dealing with so nobody gets hurt or confused.

How They Talk About Relationships

I've learned to really listen when people talk about what they want. Someone who's into casual stuff will usually be pretty open about it. They'll mention they're too busy for anything serious right now, or they just got out of something, or they'll straight up say they're keeping things light and seeing what's out there. When someone tells you that, believe them the first time. Don't try to change their mind or think you'll be the exception.

This is where a lot of people mess up, honestly. They hear "I don't want anything serious" and think "well maybe they'll change their mind for me." Spoiler alert - they won't. Trust what people tell you about themselves. It'll save you so much heartache.

The Follow-Up Game

So after you hook up with someone, the follow-up tells you everything about whether they want to do it again. If they text you within a day or two suggesting another meetup, cool, they enjoyed it and want more. If they vanish into thin air? Well, you've got your answer there too. Some people are one-and-done, and that's their right.

People who are actually into maintaining casual setups are usually pretty consistent. They might not text you every single day - that's not really the vibe - but when they do reach out, it's because they want to see you again. It's honestly pretty simple once you understand the pattern. If you're looking for more consistency, check out what's happening on the psychology of attraction to understand the dynamics better.

Trust Your Gut

Look, at the end of the day, your instincts are almost always right. I've learned this the hard way. If something feels off or you're getting mixed signals that don't make sense, it's totally okay to just ask directly. "Hey, what are you looking for?" is a perfectly reasonable question. Most people appreciate the honesty, and it saves everyone time and confusion.

The whole point of casual hookups is they're supposed to be easy and fun. If you're constantly stressed trying to decode someone's intentions, they're probably not the right match for what you want. Move on and find someone who's actually on your wavelength. Trust me, it's so much better when everyone's clear about what this is.

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